To My Son on His First Birthday: A Letter of Love and Gratitude
Happy birthday Shazil Jan! You have brought color and meaning to our lives. I eagerly awaited your arrival, a joy that started even before you entered this world.
I can vividly recall the day when the doctor shared the news of having a baby boy after an ultrasound. My thoughts were already filled with ideas about your name and the adorable dresses I would choose for you, as well as how I would care for you.
Watching you grow into a fine young gentleman has been an incredible journey. You’ve not only brought me joy but have also taught me the true essence of motherhood, emphasizing the sacrifices parents make for their children.
Your recent attempts at saying “mama” are heartwarming, even if the title seems to be for everyone. Whether you see me, your dad, or any family member, your cries of “mama” are adorable, though a bit unfair, my sweetie. Even when you are looking for something to eat or any toys to play with, you start shouting, “Mama, mama.” 😊
You’ve grown into a mama’s boy, always seeking my lap, whether at home, in the kitchen, in the car, or even during shopping trips. Your cries when others (including your dad ☺) try to hold you are both amusing and endearing.
Reflecting on this past year, It has been filled with happiness and joy. From dealing with high blood pressure, cholesterol levels, nausea, and vomiting during the pre-partum period to the challenges of sudden weight gain and post-partum hair fall due to the C-section delivery, every struggle fades away when I think of you.
The initial three months were a rollercoaster, with sleepless nights, constipation, and colic pain. I vividly remember the moments when you’d cry for hours, leaving me in tears too.
Your father’s support, especially on weekends, was truly appreciated, allowing me much-needed naps. As your sleeping patterns evolved over the months, your grandmother and dad played crucial roles, enabling me to focus on completing my MPhil dissertation during your daytime naps.
With just three more classes left in your Parwaz ECD, where you’ve enjoyed poems and activities, you’re about to complete another achievement. I have captured your movements in the classroom while listening to your favorite poems or playing with your favorite toys. Every milestone and precious moment of your first year has been captured. I have so far taken 1500 snaps of you! You will hopefully enjoy them later.
We visited Chitral this summer. Our time in the mountains was a delightful experience, witnessing you happily crawling in green grass, relishing fresh fruits and vegetables (just like your mom).☺
Your name posed a challenge for both Baba and Wawi (maternal Grandfather and grandmother). I remember their attempts to pronounce it, and my efforts to explain with the Urdu alphabet brought laughter to my heart. They asked me many times if it was Shahdil or what. I was like, “No, it is Shaa zil,” just like “sheen” “alif” (shaa), and “ze” “laam” (zil).❤️
Meeting your Baba in Chitral, though for the first and last time (may his soul rest in peace), was a special memory. You were too little to feel or remember the moments you spent with him. Let me tell you!
His love for you and your playful antics brought smiles to his face. Most of the time, you would grab his stick, medicine bag, tasbih, or fruit knife and crawl towards me. The scenes of you playing with his stick, especially a few minutes before his demise, remain etched in my heart. At that particular time, you were with him, engaging with his stick as usual.
That morning, he asked me to water the flowers and held you on his lap for about 20 minutes. (This reflects his love for flowers. His fondness for flowers, roses, greenery, and gardening cannot be summarized. They were integral to his life, and he tended to them from the early spring to late winter).
So, on one side, I was watering the flowers with a pipe, and on the other, I worried about you possibly falling from the bed, so my eyes were on you throughout.
I still remember how you were giving him a tough time by moving from one side of the bed to another, and how he managed to hold you tightly. Eventually, he had to ask for help from your wawi. They both held you securely while I watered the flowers and quickly prepared breakfast for you. (This was exactly an hour before your Baba’s demise).
These were some of the moments you shared with us during this past year. Let me wish you once again a very happy birthday, Honey! Here’s to many more years of love, laughter, and cherished moments.
P.S. I appreciate the incredible role your dad plays as a father and as an amazing partner. Let us thank him together!
